Friday, January 13, 2012

The Fear Of Loss

I covet my life. It is wonderful, I want for nothing. I am loved. I have a gorgeous family, I am overflowing with joy. Yet, sitting here alone, my mind wanders to what he's doing now. Where he is, who he's with. Years have gone by and still I am stunned. Swept me off my feet and a small part of me has never returned to ground. That small part is the skipped beat. The caught breath. The chill. Should I ever lose everything, my life crumble into nothing, my heart broken, I will seek him out. The love, or lust as it were, I had for him would befit a shattered girl. An empty soul. I love so hard my life, my husband and son. My body aches with it. Tears well at the whispered thought of losing them. Just the shadow of the idea is so dark it hurts to look into the light that is my life. The memory of him blends into the shadows. Not that he is sorrow, but anything that is not what I have now is so hollow in comparison. I hope never to want him again.