Monday, January 25, 2010

Depressing. Don't read.

I'm losing faith so quickly these days. I'm losing faith in my family. I'm losing faith in my friends. I've lost the belief in love or happiness. If they exist in the world, they don't exist in my life. I haven't felt this alone in a very long time. I feel alone when I'm with my family because they make me feel like such an outcast a lot of the time. Either that or they're pressuring me so much to do things I don't want to do, that I want to scream. I feel so stuck in a life that I'm miserable in. I've realized how very little friends I have anymore and the ones I do have, I never see. Now, without my phone, I'm completely cut off from the few friends I have left and it's making everything so much worse. It makes the loneliness hurt so much more.

I'm always in such a bad mood. I keep trying so hard to grab onto things that will make me happy and then they get ripped out from under me. It's just not fair. Don't I deserve a little bit of happiness? Don't I deserve a damn break once in a while?

I feel like I'm always on the verge of tears. I have yet to cry though. Not even when I'm alone. That's how far gone I am. I can't even cry. Oh well though, because I hate crying.

I've come to the realization that I'm destined to be alone. I've been alone for a good portion of my life and I'll probably be alone for the rest of it too. There's no stopping it. No matter what. I need to learn to be content with the loneliness. I need to realize that I've always been the invisible girl and that's exactly how I'm going to stay. I'm done trying. It gets me no where. They just congratulate the next person and see right past me every single time.

I will forever be lonely, even in a room full of people because those people will never even see that I'm there.

No comments:

Post a Comment